#tomorrow is gonna be hard and i really don't wanna wake up ngl!!!!!!! i really wish i died tonight!!!!!!!! oh well

[daz4i]

a vent-y ramble with mentions of suicidal stuff and general blegh

ppl in my life keep telling me i'm underselling my abilities when it comes to functioning and such and that i can do more than i say/think and. idk. maybe they're right? but it doesn't change the fact that everything FEELS impossible to do. even if i technically can and even if i don't feel like death afterwards, the whole starting to do the thing is the hard part. and like it's probably due to me not wanting to do any of it. it sounds silly and childish and i dunno maybe it is, but the fact is, if i don't wanna do something, my brain will do everything it can to make sure i avoid it, no matter how mundane. it used to be worse when i was a teen but now i have more foresight so like i still force myself to do things i find highly unpleasant (like brushing my teeth or going to doctor's appointments or. fuck. wearing a bra??) and while they don't feel like the end of the world once they pass (...usually), it still feels like it's taking all of my energy to start them. and ik abt executive dysfunction ik i have it but it's more than that, it's not about having to hype myself up to do something, it's the explicit purpose of avoiding it.

and i think. it's tied to my suicidal tendencies. like, my immediate thought is always "i would rather die than do this" bc that's literally true about literally everything, but it pops up more forcefully and loudly when i really really don't want to do the thing. AND ofc depression is the cause for my lack of energy

it's also like. sensory issues make so many things straight up painful. and the brain's most basic instinct is avoiding pain. so i dunno maybe it's just the instinct. so basically, these people are not wrong, i technically CAN do all these things, just like i technically CAN touch a hot stove or shove a knife in my head as long as i don't think about it too hard and force myself to ignore it and take enough medication to calm down beforehand and have someone there to support me through it. like i don't think they realize this is on the same level for me bc it just does not process in their head that these mundane actions you need to do in order to live are this painful for me. and they never will get it!!!!! or even if they do they'll say "true, it sucks, but you need to do it anyway, that's life" like omg yes i know that's why i wanna die 😭😭😭😭😭😭 come on we've gone over this so many times

that's why i keep spiraling and that's why it feels impossible. most of my energy goes into forcing myself to start actions or even just preparing myself mentally for them, more than actually doing the actions themselves. and because i don't care about anything, i have no way to recharge the way others might be able to, so i'm running at 0% at all times

anyway that was a very long way to just whinily say "but i don't wannaaaaaa 🥺"

[softspace-fics]

HIII OMG YOUR TIMING WAS PERFECT I JUST GIT INTO A FIGHT WITH MY STRP MOM THAT JUST WAS BEING AWFUL (and it's not her fault initially but what is is her inserting herself were it shouldn't and twisting my words to what she wants to hear to start bs)ANYWAY-

I just read that you replied to my request and I can't thank you enough today was shit but I still have to get up and clean cuz lowkey your fic is kinda based in irl I have been able to clean my room (cuz ive been living kinda not good and when i read the part about not being able to shower... thats is correct, so thank you for acknowledging those things happen, and it's okay) and I need to study to get my license, and all I wanna do is lay down and watch adventure time but I can't I mean even as I'm writing this to you I have to move my leg cuz it's falling asleep and it's gonna hurt feeling it wake up so genuinely thank you for making me feel seen

I'm scared of doctors and I haven't even been able to make the grown up decision of who's gonna be my primary physician because of the idea of changing my doctor because of insurance reasons. And also because I can't see you pediatrician anymore is scaring me I don't know how to deal with it all anymore cuz when I do I yell and scream and basically have meltdowns

I'm sorry this is long just genuinely thank you for EVERY writing you put out it gets me going through the whiplash of life (cuz literally I was fine at 2 am this morning watching journey 2 with Josh hutcherson 🥰 eating my leftover miso raman and now I feel ngl just tired)

I BLESS THE WITH ALL THE BEST VIBES FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND I WILL 100% BE ANNOYING IN YOUR REQUESTS SO YOU CAN IGNORE MY SILLY LITTLE BRAIN

- 🦄

I'm so sorry to hear about your fight with your step mom, I absolutely know how that type of thing goes and I know its hard when it's happening and it can feel like a never ending repeating cycle but I'm really proud of you for getting through it! I know it may not be much coming from someone who you don't know personally but I am very proud of you for even just trying today, I don't have any diagnoses for pain, but I have severely bad joints and it hurts to move alot of the time, but I want you to know that someone is very proud of you or of anyone for trying! Doctors are scary, I have to get dental work done tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified. I hope your able to figure out everything and I'm so glad my work helps you or even anyone. Please stay safe and know your problems are very very valid 🫶

[thatweeboverthereisthirsty]

Hello! May I please request NSFW headcanons of Floyd, Riddle, Malleus, and Lilia dating an f!s/o who is really bratty and demanding in bed, just for the punishment? Thank you! You don't have to do this if you don't want to. Delete or ignore this ask if you don't want to do this one, alright, honey? ☺🙌💗💗💗

Ngl I had a burnout for inspiration around Riddle and Lilia so I am sorry about that.

Warnings: Collars, intense sex, punishment, edging, overstimulation, dom sub relationship

Floyd:

Oh so shrimpy wants to play a game huh?

Floyd is so down for that.

You can tease him all day and depending on how ansty he gets he might wait for school to be over or he might throw you over his shoulder right then and there.

Once you guys are in bed though all your attempts at being demanding and bratty are shut down

This boy is horny af so of course he’s gonna be excited that you wanna bang but he doesn’t like how you think you can act spoiled and dominant

There is a reason you aren’t on top and it’s because he’s the one in charge, and he will remind you of it every chance he gets

You are thrown on the bed and before you can even bounce back up he pins you with all his strength

The bruises of his hands around your wrist will likely be the first of many marks that will be on you tomorrow

His eyes are dark with lust as he pushes his tongue between your lips and quickly removes your clothes

Dark hickeys rimmed with teeth marks decorate your neck and collar

You struggle to regain control but he has none of it a he bites down hard on your neck while shoving two long fingers inside you

“Awww Shrimpy you look so cute~ I bet you would look better impaled on my cock and filled with my love~ Make more cute noises Shrimpy~ Only I can make you make those noises~ Only I can bed you and rip your sanity apart with pleasure as I pump you full of my cum~”

Sex with him always has a possessive tone to it and it is probably the reason he is so rough.

“You are so irritating when you think you are in charge. It’s my job to be in control. I guess Shrimpy hasn’t figured that out yet. I guess I’ll reteach you.”

His eyes become pinpricks as he crooks his fingers and rubs your sensitive spot.

His punishments aren’t usually crazy.

He doesn't have the patience or will to edge you and stuff.

Instead he will just fuck you till you forget what your own name is.

His favorite position is when you are leaning on him while he sits back against the wall and he bounces you until you’re nothing more than his personal cocksleeve

Drool, sweat, and seman dribbles down your chin and your eyes are almost always rolled to the back of your head with bliss

When he is finished he will roll over with you and spoon you against him

“When I wake up you better hope I don’t remember your bad behavior Shrimpy. I might have to teach you again that I am in charge and you are my cute little submissive Shrimpy. You are mine.”

Malleus:

It is very amusing for him to watch you try to bait him or take control for the sake of the end result.

He lets you be bratty and push him down and grind against him.

He’s gonna let you ride him and tie his hands together at the top off the bed just for fun.

When you finally collapse with pleasure and exhaustion that is when he will pull himself free from his binds and flip himself on top of you.

Malleus looks down at you with dark eyes filled with mischief and chuckles lowely before nipping at your ear.

“My turn”

Then he will ravage you as if you hadn’t just ridden him to completion a few times

As a non human being he has stamina for days and will fuck you stupid for hours on end

Already exhausted from your multiple orgasms you can do little but lie there as he slams into you starting a brutal pace

He’ll kiss you deeply and passionately whispering about how you take his cock so well as if this wasn’t a punishment but a reward

It’s hard to count how many times he cums with your pleasure riddled mind

Sometimes it’s inside of you and sometimes it is in your mouth or on your face, back, legs, front

Anywhere he can shoot his load is filled or covered in his cum

Sticky white pearls roll down your side as he manhandles you into a different position

Eventually when you’ve been fucked till the point where you nearly black out he will decide to finish and will his somehow still raging manhood to calm down

Then expect a nice warm bath where he scrubs the sweat, cum, drool, and tears off of you

He massages your body in places where it will be sore and cleans his bite wounds in order to keep them from getting infected

As you fall asleep against him his lips brush your ear in a husky whisper

“Don’t get too cocky little one, I only take care of you now cause everyone knows you have to keep your toys in good condition. That way you can play with them again whenever you want. Whenever I want.”

Riddle:

Hon he is already collaring people every time they misbehave.

Punishing brats is literally his whole personality.

Likely he’s just sitting over here casually sipping his tea side eyeing all the dorm children (they’ve broken into a cold sweat)

Then you break a rule and he looks at you and you’re just sitting here like “dom me I dare you”

Sis he will drag you to the bedroom and won’t even bat an eye at the rest of the dorm children (they are sweating more now)

Will collar you 100% just not with his magic off with your head (it gets in the way)

Riddle becomes really forceful in the bedroom when he’s punishing you

Orders will fly left and right and you better do them or he will make the punishment 10 times worse

Course if you want that then *wink wink*

Punishment from Riddle can go several ways.

On one hand he loves to deny you of what you want while jacking himself off.

The image of you desperately trying to reach a climax while he slowly brings himself off is so hot in his mind it is his go to punishment.

He will bring himself to a finish several times while casually fingering you to the point where you could cum but won’t cause he pulls them out and makes you lick them for a few moments before starting again.

When he finally feels that you have been edged enough he will pull your legs over his shoulders and eat you out till you orgasm.

The aftercare with him is super sweet as well.

Not that he has forgotten that you broke one of the rules.

“That’s strike 1 baby. Do it again and I might not let you get off at all.”

Lilia:

Daddy isn’t even bothered by this bratty act you have going. 

He is well aware of what it means and he knows exactly how to put you in your place. 

You want him to go down on you hard right? 

Absolutely not. 

He is not gonna cave to your demands. 

Denial is the only way to teach you that misbehaving isn’t gonna get you what you want.

Soon you will learn that acting bratty for a good fuck is only gonna get him to edge you for hours until you’re a broken, sobbing mess, begging for release.

Then and only then will he ask you if you want to cum and when you reply he will turn the tables from denial to overstimulating.

You wanted to cum right? 

He’s only doing what you wanted.

You cum almost instantly after he presses inside of you.

It’s intense and mind blowing. 

Not that he cares.

He hasn’t reached his own climax, besides after all that begging you should be happy he’s giving you what you want.

Pounds into you chasing his own climaxes for however long he feels like.

You can’t even think straight due to the pleasure but he doesn’t really care.

After fucking orgasm after orgasm out of you and himself he will clean you up and cuddle with you.

“Next time you want to act like a spoiled brat, think about what the repercussions will really be.”